By: Will BashamI’ve always been fascinated with personalities and how vastly differently human beings seem to be wired. Recently, we conducted personality tests with many of our developing leaders in our church and it was insightful for them to recognize their own personality tendencies. One question that always seems to be asked is if our personalities change over time. I’m sure they do in some capacity, but I’ve noticed that most people tend to attest that their personalities have remained relatively consistent throughout the course of their lives. As a matter of fact, my mother told me that the personalities of my sisters and I have remained consistent from early childhood to adulthood.
Due to vastly different personalities, my wife and I approach our friendships very differently. She likes to poke fun at me and tell me that I have no real friends; I usually respond that she’s my best friend and she’s all I need. She has a small number of deep friendships. I on the other hand have many friendships that tend to not be as deeply rooted. Perhaps not surprisingly, my wife is very introverted and doesn’t usually seek new friendships. I look to make new friends everywhere I go. Once we were on a full flight that didn’t allow us to sit together. She didn’t speak a single word to the passengers around her and I ended up hearing 2 or 3 life stories and gained new Facebook friends.
Sometimes friendships center around shared interests or activities like hobbies, work, or ministry. Sometimes they’re born out of a healthy connection of two compatible personalities or people we grew up with. Regardless of how friendships begin or how many friends we have, the Bible makes it clear that we need good friends in our lives. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” This proverb is saying that friends become like our family (brothers and sisters) who stick with us through our toughest days.
Thank God for Your Friends
Take some time today to pray and thank God for your friends. It’s interesting to think about the innumerable number of paths and directions your life circumstances could have gone, yet here you find yourself, living at this time, in this place, being around these people. God has orchestrated your circumstances for his glory and the good friends you have in your life are there by God’s sovereign design. Therefore, we ought to take time to call out our friends’ names in prayer, praying for their good and also thanking God that he allowed them to be in our lives. Paul shows us by example that it’s good to make this a consistent habit: “We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers,” (1 Thess. 1:2).
Ask God to Help You Be a Good Friend
Friendships can be difficult, and it can be tricky to find the margin in our often-busy schedules to be a good friend. It’s actually important to realize that you simply cannot be a good and healthy friend to every person that comes into your life (I’m preaching to myself here). You simply don’t have the time! We should pay attention to how we can put an intentional effort into our friendships and ask for the Lord’s help to be effective at this.
I feel like men are particularly bad at this. Dudes tend to talk to one another only during a shared activity or when we need something. It takes thoughtfulness and intentionality to be a good friend and we ought to strive toward that even when communication or presence doesn’t occur on its own. If you’re like me, you sometimes think it would be easier to just let relationships occur by happenstance rather than putting a godly effort into them. Simply trying to schedule time to hang out with a friend can be a seemingly impossible task when you look at your calendar and see family needs, work, travel, kids’ practices, etc. The golden rule applies here. In the midst of your craziness, don’t you want someone wondering how you’re doing, praying for you, and checking in with you for leisure and fun? Of course! We’re wired to yearn for that and even need that. If that’s the case, then we ought to seek to be that friend for others. “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets,” (Matt. 7:12).
Ask God for More Friends
Introverts, don’t panic. I don’t think the Bible calls us to be friends with everyone, but we should seek to be acutely aware of opportunities for future friendships. First of all, becoming friends with someone can be missional, and God uses friendships as one way in which his church fulfills the Great Commission to make disciples of all nations (Matt. 28:18-20). As we prayerfully keep our eyes open for compatibility and new friendships, we should also rest in the wonderful truth that we don’t have the burden of being besties with everyone. But while we may not become friends with everyone, we can be friendly with everyone. This is something to which we all should aspire. After all, hasn’t our Savior modeled this heavenly friendship with us?
Jesus was known as a friend of sinners (Matt. 11:19, Luke 7:34). He emulates the kind of thoughtfulness and care of others that all Christians should have. Unfortunately, many Christians have become known for their poor attitudes and bigotry. Instead, may we all earnestly seek to be friendly and give our lives away for the good of Christ’s kingdom. Jesus says of us, “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you,” (John 15:15). Because our great friend Jesus laid down his life for us (John 15:13), we can lay ours down for others. Spend some time today thanking God for the gift of friendship and consider reaching out to several friends to practically care for them in whatever season they may be.