By: Jeremy BerryCrazy Little Thing Called Love
Whether it’s the Righteous Brothers’ Unchained Melody or Boyz II Men’s love anthem I’ll Make Love to You, the topic of love is no stranger to song. Jane Austin, Margret Mitchell, and George Lucas are all artists crafting stories that depict people (and Wookiees) driven by love. Now, creating a story is not just for fiction; it’s what we do daily. In our interactions and relationships, we are often the protagonists, and our life is the story. Fact or fiction—love is the engine of storytelling, and in both, we either want, fear, or long for love.
How do we explain the human experience of the absence of love? It’s core to our existence. Love can be a life-giving weapon to fend off hopelessness, despair, and self-loathing. Yet, most often, love is a dangerous weapon that, when tainted ever so slightly, will inevitably bring death and destruction to all it touches. Wielding love wrongly is holding the wrong end of the sword, becoming ineffective in the mission while mortally wounding yourself. Love is a dangerous four-letter word. Its complexity leads most to misunderstand and mishandle what is called the greatest gift (1 Cor. 13).
Since the beginning, man knew love. He’d seen it rain upon him from the heavens by a God who made man to be the object of his affection. It was love that had Adam walking with God in the garden. It was love that had Adam plotting with the Devil. Abel’s sacrifice was love manifested, as was Cain’s sin. David’s love caused him to be a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22), yet it is his love that caused “the one time when David sinned against Uriah” (1 Kings 15:5). That love cost a man his life, his wife, and a woman her son (1 Kings 12:19). In the spirit of Bell Biv DeVoe, this love is poison—toxic to both soul and society. The fine line between tainted love and true love is what lies at the center of our affection.
TAINTED LOVE
Adam’s tainted love was for his own exhalation. He indulged in a communion of self-love as he ate from the tree to fulfill his ambition. He chose the wrong cup, and if Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade taught us anything, the wrong cup brings judgment rather than life. Never mind that God had come to him, walked with him, and warned him. Adam can ignore God’s merciful warning because God isn’t the object of his affection. Adam loves himself some Adam. It’s why the promise of power, influence, and authority from Satan charmed the man.
This is a type of love we know all too well, and it is destructive. It’s the husband who “brings home the bacon” and demands to be positively affirmed, or else he feels unappreciated, resulting in resentment. The mom indulges in acts of service so she can feel useful. It's the virtue signaling, wanting desperately to be accepted, liked, retweeted, and relevant. This is the love of self. The reward is self-glorification, where we are like Adam, loving ourselves supremely.
Now, there is nothing wrong with being appreciated, useful, or relevant—just like there is nothing wrong with praying out loud. Jesus prayed aloud, but when the Pharisees did the same (Luke 18), it was not the action but the motive that Jesus condemned. Jesus tells his followers, “They have received their reward.” Their reward was self-love—a tainted love that will lead to death if not washed in repentance.
On the flip side of reward is a love driven by fear, which is equally unhealthy and practiced in and out of the church. Let’s think of Cain, who walked in his father’s footsteps. His story is interesting: two brothers, two sacrifices, and two different reactions. God shows favor to Abel's sacrifice while not favoring Cain’s. Why? Does Cain not appreciate fruit? Is it because it wasn’t his “first fruits?” Scripture never tells us that. What we are told is Cain’s reaction to God’s favor. Notice God does not cease to commune with Cain. Rather, the Lord goes to Cain and warns him.
Cain's sacrifice was not ultimately for God; it was for himself. His denial is not met with repentance but with anger and bitterness toward his brother. His sin is all-consuming, to the point where he even asks the Lord, “Am I my brother's keeper?” By asking the question, not only does he reveal a self-first mentality, but he fails to understand what true love is. Even when confronted, there is no repentance but only fear of what others may do to him.
Actions driven by fear are quite common. Sadly, we often label this as love. From children who are obedient to their parents out of fear to pastors who fear failure so much they refuse to preach repentance, are not living in a biblical love commanded by Christ. This selfish love drives us to protect ourselves, even to the detriment of others.
BIBLICAL LOVE
Emma Thompson wrote, "To love is to burn, to be on fire.” Whether it's an unquenchable desire for another or the pain that comes after loss, this sentiment is on point. How can we embrace positive love while avoiding the tainted?
The key is loving Christ supremely. It’s why when Jesus is asked what’s the greatest commandment, he tells us to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” The command is to love God with your whole self. We are to pursue the Lord with our hands, hearts, and minds. Whether it is Adam, Cain, or David, these men chose to love themselves over the Lord, leading them to deny the second greatest commandment—“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” If we fail to love the Lord properly, we fail to love others selflessly. Our neighbors are reduced to being tools to prop up our self-idolatry. Adam failed in his role as husband, Cain failed as a brother, and David as a leader, all because they failed to love the Lord supremely.
Matthew 6 gives the warning, “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” If we desire to be King, we will inevitably rebel against his rule and his kingdom, leaving behind a trail of hurt. Rather than mimicking Adam, seek to imitate Christ. Christ shows us what love is when it’s pure. It is selfless. Christ’s crucifixion was a display of an unconditional love for his people. Jesus leaves his throne for a cross. Jesus has no reward to gain, no fear to have, nor duty to man. What Jesus has is love.
Take time to reflect on your motives. Put your mundane actions, ambition, parenting, marriage—all of it—under the microscope for God’s glory and your good. Dying to self starts with our motives. If God is not the object of our affection, then he will cease to be the object of our worship. If reward, fear, and duty are our drivers, the Christian experience will feel exhausting, disappointing, or lacking. This is not the way.
Loving Christ supremely causes the Christian’s life to come alive. It allows you to rest and genuinely worship. It is seeing your value as a child of God. This love builds relationships, allows for vulnerability, and cultivates trust. To love Christ first is not to fill your schedule with church. It is to live life, experience your story, embrace what comes, and give selflessly in discipleship for his cause, all while worshiping Christ in all things. Loving God first will result in you promoting him in the lives of others. It’s Deuteronomy 6:4-9 lived out:
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
You’ve been loved by God. In response to that grace, you respond in selfless love toward others. It’s what it means to be a living sacrifice.